Friday, 30 January 2009

Okay, so I have changed.

Some people don’t get it why I do what I do. I chose to keep quiet because it is really challenging for any people to understand me and my decisions. Well I guess it took mad people to understand it. I see it as an improvement, but others couldn’t see it that way.
That is why I really need to clarify this issue. Especially when people start questioning

“What’s wrong with her?”

I don’t mind when they say I’m mad. Well, that’s not new to me. Our dear prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also was claimed mad by his people.

But what I really mind about is when people started to question what I brought, which is Islam. Misunderstanding of Islam doesn’t help when you are trying to promote Islam. What I am really sad about is that people I loved thought differently about me. Please don’t get misunderstood with my actions.

CAUTION:
THIS ENTRY IS LENGTHY AND FULL OF UNBELIEVABLE CONFESSIONS. SO BE PREPARED WITH IT...Yup, my blog is getting more and more serious.. Okay, if you are afraid, just go to my other blogs.. less issues & less emo I guess. Apepun, missing MY CONFESSION?? Huhu..rugi! BUT DON’T BE AFRAID. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS READ IT THOROUGHLY SO THAT YOU WOULD NOT GET MISUNDERSTOOD..HEHE..bace yerk?! Kalau sesat jalan, tanye tuan punye blog dengan penuh berhikmah.. love you all :)

Accepting changes in other people
I started to remember this very popular columnist and activist wrote about her friend in UK while she was studying. When her friend started to join da’wah, she was so afraid that she might lost her friend. That kind of perception is totally wrong. A friend might change, but a true daie (pendakwah, preacher, missionaries, whatever you call it) would try her best to get her friend back to the right path with her too.

Usually it is the other party who could not accept the changes and are not ready or afraid to follow the true path of Islam. And what else can a friend do after that? If the daie is not strong enough (after all, she need to cope with herself too. Nak masuk syurga bukan senang wo!),
what she can do is just praying for her friend and watch from far (..and ready to catch her whenever she falls).

Yes, changes is difficult. There is a price that you had to pay. Just look at all our prophets. They try to bring new changes, shifting paradigms. But what do they get? thrown away from their own hometown, got beaten up, etc. Okay, so look at the islam reverts (or converts, some would say), they faced so many tribulations when they chose Allah. And sadly, the are not trying to bring something new, they just want to revive what is forgotten- the real teaching of Islam (refer to Abul A’ala Al-Maududiy’s book – Let us be Muslims or Fundamentals of Islam or the seerah book- The Sealed Nectar).

Some of the misunderstandings about my stand
Misunderstandings always happen. But me being vocal about my stand is something unheard of. The latest one is about me not going to a certain musical. I do not know why, but suddenly I slipped my mouth telling my loved one the real reason why I do not want to attend that particular musical. But sadly, she started to get the wrong message (including others of course).
They thought:

• I hate music??
I have not met any people yet who do not love music. If they hated the theory, well, that is common. But not loving music? I’ve read somewhere in a magazine, there is this music lecturer in uitm defines music in a wider perspective and I had to agree with her. She sees it as beautiful sounds. And people reciting Quran, or the singing of the birds is also part of music.

Okay, back to the issue. I was brought up in a musical family (okay, maybe I exagerrate a li’l bit). My father sings in public since 4 (even though he is not a recording artiste), my uncle’s in a band, my sister and most of my relatives sings or plays gitar kapuk, harmonica, organ/keyboard and my sis and I learnt playing our organ back in 1989. I was only 5. I couldn’t reach the organ pedals at that time. When I was in school, playing the recorder, taking part in choir, nasyeed, traditional dance, or cultural club is something I am fond of. I may not reach the high notes in singing, but I do know when somebody hit the wrong note. When I was in primary school, I always play by ear, even the recorder. Reading the notes is always challenging for me until now. Heh..

When I was in my teenage years, I started to like drums, percussions and very loud modern rock or alternative music ( Japanese bands and Indonesian bands included). As long as their guitars and drums sounds nice to my ears, (even melodic piano songs fascinates me) I will like it. Regardless if they sang it in Japanese.

But thankfully, at that time, I already set my limits. I banned those songs or bands whose lyrics is full of crap, or the bands’ indecent behaviour like Limp Bizkit or Red hot chilli peppers (some exceptions to some bands with songs whose lyrics is still acceptable to me at that time..hehe..like SOME of Nirvana’s, Metallica’s or even Eminem’s songs..isyy..pelik saya ni masa tuh..maybe it’s the music comes first...)

Another lawak is that I banned Destiny’s Child and Beyonce at that time because their total image is like promoting sex, but then I still go for TLC?? I can’t get it now, TLC’s clothes sometimes also like chompang-champing and sexy too..Haha.. what was I thinking of at that time? Maybe because “Unpretty” “Dear Lie” and “Waterfalls” sounds nice to my ears. And the mtv is not too “visual” like destiny’s child’s mtv.

Oh yes, I thought of buying drumsticks and then bang on the boxes in the back room after seeing No Doubts’ drummer playing drums in seconds. Haha..but then I just stick to the gigantic art brush as my drum stick. And the interest just fade out after that.

So, saying me not loving music or not practice my keyboard is totally wrong. I still do love music. And Islam or dakwah hasn’t stopped me from it. Just look at Yusuf Islam, Zain Bikha, Raihan, or Dawud Wharnsby Ali. What makes them different from other musicians or artistes? They play or sing with a cause. With a very clear vision of what should the music be used for.

Music is not just to play with emotions. Music should not make people’s become more sad with their heartbreak, bring them to the all lovey dovey cloud 9 and then make them forget the reality.

That would drive them further away from their purpose of life!
The path towards Allah, our creator! That should be the way. I think, as muslims we should not just love music or using music for our own satisfaction. So how do you plan to serve Allah? Only by prayers? Why don’t we channel all our actions straight to Allah? Then only our actions can be considered as ibadah, or an act as a servant of Allah..

(sorry for being a little bit emotional here..hehe..keep on reading ya?)

• Am I close minded and not open enough?
Why do I say NO to things I did before? Is it because of I am too extreme? Nope.
Oh ya, another thing that my fellow friends out there SHOULD NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT:

 I am stubborn. So my ACTIONS & DECISIONS is totally MINE. NOBODY told me what to do. Nobody could tell me what to do. Give me good reasons and I will think about it. So yes, do not blame me & my changes on other people or Islam. It is totally ME.

 My dear friends and sisters, my confessions here might make u afraid..yup, the truth sometimes hurts. But hey, DO NOT WORRY, I am NOT expecting YOU to AGREE with me or expect you to change like me. Just think about what I said here. If you would like to talk to me about it, come and see me. Yup, let us discuss..hehe.. mari-mari, kita dok sembang-sembang.

OK, now. Let’s see what kind of changes that people saw in me?
And then let’s see what I do have to say about it.

1. I left silat pusaka gayong- which i really like
2. I didn’t shake hands with some of my relatives (from the opposite sex of
course)
3. My clothes, especially the length of my tudung??
4. Always going out or not at home
5. I didn’t go to most of the concerts or any show perfomances anymore
6. I object to the dressing code my P.E lecturer have set
7. I rarely talk to the opposite sex and try not to be close to them. ( I hope I do. I hope I can do the talking only when it is required. But so far, I am still trying. Sometimes I got too used to it.)
8. I did not want to attend the annual dinner
9. I would not want to perform in front of the public
10. I didn’t go for movies anymore and still trying not to watch too much tv
11. I deleted most of the songs in my laptop. I didn’t listen to most of the songs I that I used to favour.


Anyway, there are plenty of reasons to these actions. It all seems negative and backward to most people. I can understand that, I used to see it that way before. But now, I see it POSTIVELY, and I think I am IMPROVING. And don’t get me wrong, these actions are not taken drastically. It took me quite some time to be like what I am now. To others, well, I try to do it as politely and in good manner as possible. Jaga hati, kerana Allah juga pentingkan kasih sayang.

So, you see, I am not really good in hukum fiqh. I didn’t take all these actions totally because of fiqh. Most of these are done after I see the real purpose of my life and I had to prioritize. I had to leave things that can jeopardize my iman and Allah’s love for me.

So what changed me?
Well, it is really simple.
I can now see the real purpose of my life.
Who am I? Why was I created in the first place, and where will I go after this?

It is difficult to see the real reason why Allah created us if we could not feel Allah’s love.
It is more difficult to feel Allah’s real love if we do not know Allah. How do we get to know Allah?

First step: who am i? which one comes first?
Well, I guess the first step is by looking into ourselves. Which one comes FIRST? First means everything. You put your whole life into it. The second or third one is not that important. If I put teacher first, then I might put all my lives into teaching. I might be teaching in my sleep and in my dreams. Then what to do if I had to stop teaching? I would be lost and crazy wouldn’t I? If somebody sees her as mother, then what would she become if she lost her child? If I see myself as a Malay, well what about others who is not born malay?

I am a muslim first and teacher second?
A muslim student?
OR
a student who is also muslim?

Can you see the difference?


Step two: so how do Allah look at us?
Now, let’s see how I Allah look at us.. if Allah look at us as Malays, teachers or only as mothers, then what about others who are not? Allah does create us as malays, but that should not comes first. If Allah rewards us based on our race like what people nowadays did (special quotas, etc.), then Allah is cruel. But He did not.

Allah don’t mind about all that. All people are the same to Allah. What makes them different is their imaan, their faith. We can choose to be Muslims, but we cannot choose to be a Malay. Allah Maha Adil, Maha Penyayang. And so, why should we put race or occupation in ourselves first? We didn’t see Bilal as black, Salman Al-Farisi as Persians. They are all seen as muslims first.

Muslims are those who bow their heads to Allah. Those who put his or her life as servants of Allah.

Step 3: seeing the real purpose of our lives
When I started to see the real reason why Allah create us in the first place, refer to al-Quran (ad-dzariyat 51:57) and (al-baqarah 2:30), I can see my life in a wider perspective. Jika kita hanya melihat diri kita sebagai Cikgu atau doktor maka rugilah kita. Betapa pendeknya cita-cita dan matlamat hidup.

Teringat saya pada peristiwa Rib’iy bin Amir datang berpakaian tidaklah segah orang Rom dan Parsi ketika itu, tetapi dengan perasaan izzahnya terhadap Islam, dia pergi kepada panglima Rom (kalau tak silap saya) bernama Rustum dan berkata (lebih kurang macam ni..lupa plak- do refer to the book- Selagi Masih Muda by Dr. Aidh, the one wrote La Tahzan/Dont be sad):

“aku datang ingin membebaskan manusia daripada segala perhambaan selain perhambaan kepada Allah.”

Tak berapa ingatlah ayat dia, tapi benarlah, jika kita dah menghambakan diri kepada Allah 100%, kita akan menjadi bebas. Tak akan jadi penakut. Tak akan risau dengan perkara mendatang. Apa jua masalah dan cabaran dianggap dugaan, peringatan, dan kasih sayang dari Allah. Jika ada kesenangan, tidak pula lupa pada Allah dan umat yang lain. Inilah muslim yang sebenar. Lihat saja kepada para sahabat. Mereka tak takut dengan apa pun cabaran dan rela berkorban. Merekalah orang paling rajin, paling kaya, paling beriman. Visi mereka tidak terhenti sekadar di dunia. Dunia ini dirasakan sempit. Dunia ini hanyalah ladang untuk mereka menuai iman dan pahala.. (refer back to Men’s purpose as Khalifah/caliph).

Siapa sebenarnya yang kita sembah?
Sebab itu jugalah mereka tidak takut mati untuk Allah. Bila orang Islam dah nampak keluasan Akhirat dan kesempitan Dunia, nothing can stop them. That is why the kuffar is so afraid of muslims. That is why they try to weaken muslims with so many things such as hedonisme, etc. Sadly, music is one of the tools used by the kuffar to weaken muslims. Fashion, sports, education system, way of thinking, philosophy, everything is not based towards Allah. Memang benar, bila manusia sudah dilalaikan dengan perkara-perkara yang tak sepatutnya menjadi keutamaan, mereka akan leka dan jadi lupa matlamat sebenar mereka diciptakan Allah, maka habislah dunia menjadi huru-hara. Siapa yang sebenarnya disembah? Allah atau manusia? Atau duit? Atau nafsu?

Ustaz Abu Bakar as-siddiq? Ustazah Aisyah?? No such thing!
During the times of Prophet Muhammad, there is no such thing as ustaz or ustazah. Apa yang ada hanyalah muslim yang berniaga (Abu Bakar, Abd Rahman b. Auf), muslim yang berladang, muslim yang mengajar, dan sebagainya. Everybody put Islam first, as their main priority.

Siti Khadijah, Erma Fatima, dan Cat Steven
Mari kita periksa semula, benarkah kita bekerja atau belajar kerana Allah? Atau sekadar memenuhi kepuasan dan kehendak sendiri? Siti Khadijah berniaga untuk Islam. Contoh kini? Well, you can see how how Erma Fatima has changed.

A director who puts Malay or Malaysian first in herself would direct a movie like Embun or 1957: Hati Malaya.
A director who puts herself as director who just love arts, movies, and everything about it would direct a movie like maybe Jimi Asmara or something like that.
But now, see what kind of production Erma Fatima did when she puts Islam first in herself and in her mind?
What Cat Stevens did with his music when he became a muslim? It is really incredible. Just imagine if every Muslim do like what they did? Move away Zionist, real muslims are back!

Using your potential for Islam = closer to Allah
So you see, I won’t stop people from doing anything they like as long as it is for Allah, for Islam. Selagi mana ia tidak membuatkan hati kita menjadi batu dan menjauhi Allah, saya masih okay dengannya. Selagi ia tidak memberi risiko kepada iman saya. Saya akan kata okay. Selagi ia tidak terang-terangan melanggar syarak, saya akan ikut. Kita kena ingat, niat tidak menghalalkan cara. Kita mungkin berniat baik, tapi sejauh mana kita yakin kita boleh bertahan dengan niat itu? Kononnya untuk kebaikan, tapi jika tidak dijaga, entah-entah di tengah jalan kita leka dan alpa, kerana apa yang dibuat itu ada unsur-unsur yang melanggar syarak.

Menyusahkan manusia?
Bercakap soal syarak, adakah hukum syarak itu dicipta untuk menyusahkan manusia? Tak, hukum syarak yang ditentukan Allah dibuat untuk melindungi manusia daripada melanggar fitrahnya. Islam adalah satu cara hidup yang mengikut fitrah manusia. Di antara sebab kenapa Islam mengharamkan arak adalah kerana ia membawa manusia menjadi mabuk dan boleh membuat sesuatu di luar kemanusiaannya dan juga merosakkan fizikal diri. So, itulah maksudnya melanggar fitrah manusia..

The musicals and my other decisions and actions
The case with the musicals and ten other actions? I will explain to you later. But for the time being, my first answer right now is that, in making decisions,or taking actions, if I cannot see it could bring me closer to Allah, or even worse, drive me further away from Allah, I won’t do it. If I have some other thing that is more important for Islam at that time, I will have to prioritize.. I just want to please Allah, that is all.

Second answer?
From all my actions and decisions, you CANNOT generalize it into this answer: “Because Islam does not permit it. It is wrong in Islam”.
Is attending annual dinner wrong? No, Islam didn’t say it is wrong. In fact, I would join the dinner, but with some conditions. Moreover, its objective must be clear. Not just for fun, because you might get carried away. We have been taught since small to do things for no reason. It’s time for us to put a fullstop to it. Life is short after all, and we are not kids anymore. Make sure we make the most of our lives and have something to show to Allah. So, can’t we have fun? Aiyoh, of course we can..refer to my previous entry about having fun in one of my blogs. Can’t remember which one.

p/s: take me to children’s musicals or the theatre that could benefit Islam or myself. Then I would. Provided if the tickets would not cost too much. I’d rather give my money to the charities or Palestinians or buy a meal for da’wah…heh..

(Please, if I did not do what I wrote in my blogs, do remind me. Tegurlah saya jika saya tak lakukan apa yang saya katakan.. (as-Soff, 61: 2) kerana tugas seorang muslim adalah mengingatkan saudaranya yang lain dan Allah sangat benci orang yang cakap tak serupa bikin neh!)

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